When It all Falls Down
by colorguard-girl
Summary: "Down will fall baby, cradle and all." As I sung the last verse of the nursery rhyme, I couldn't help but snort at the irony.  Truer words have never been spoken. B/E
1. Chapter 1

**I own Nothing...Please review **

**Warning rape and violence in the first chapter  
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As the water cascaded down my body I let my tears fall. Ever since we got back from the hospital I haven't had a moment to myself, a moment when I could just let everything that has happened soak in. Now that I could my body was taking the toll of my distress, I sobbed over my lost mother, and now my lost childhood. I turned off the water and sunk to the bottom of the moist tub. Honestly I didn't want to get out, getting out meant facing reality and I just wasn't ready to do that yet. I wiped my tears and picked myself up, shuffling quicker when I heard small whimpering come from my bedroom. I tied my bathrobe around my body and picked up a writhing pink bundle and padded to the kitchen where I passed my mother's ex- husband. I made a bottle and started feeding the baby in my arms her meal, even though it's been a good twenty-four hours since I last ate myself.

"So what are we going to do?" I asked Phil as I wiped away some formula that had seeped from my baby sisters mouth and dribbled down her chin. The bastard couldn't even look at me let alone his own daughter.

"You know exactly what's going to happen Isabella. I already bought your plane tickets, your going to go to Forks with your kid and forget all about me." Phil said with distain and took a sip of his beer. I removed the bottle from the baby and put her on my shoulder to burp her.

"But why, she's your daughter not mine…I never wanted this, why do I have to become a mother at seventeen. Hell I didn't even have sex and I'm forced to deal with the ramifications as if I had!" I whisper shouted. Phil stood up and threw his beer can at the wall next to me and got into my face.

"This is your responsibility because your goddamn mother knew I wanted no kids, you were enough! Yet she got herself pregnant anyway and dies giving birth. Now I am not taking care of any bastard child nor am I just going to give her up and let some strangers I don't know take care of her." He released my shoulders and stormed out the house the door slamming behind him. The slamming jarred the once sleeping infant causing her to awaken and start screaming in fright. I sobbed myself as I rocked the infant back to sleep. It wasn't her fault all this happened, nor was it my dead mothers but how I hated her right now. I wish she had just gotten the fucking abortion that Phil wanted, then she would still be alive and I could have my freedom.

I walked into my bedroom where the crib was kept and tucked the baby in. My thumb gently stroked her plump rosy cheeks, shame instantly filled my entire body. How could I have ever though that about this sweet little baby, my sister. My mother would be so ashamed of me. I walked out of my room and made me something to eat, knowing hunger and lack of sleep contributed to my harsh thoughts. I had just finished washing my plate when Phil came pounding back inside, back from the local bar I could only guess.

"Can you please shut the fuck up, I just got the baby to sleep." I said hatefully. Suddenly a force plowed into me and threw me onto the kitchen table. My breath hitched as Phil rubbed his erection into my robe covered body. I felt so stupid, I never changed into real clothes, I had forgotten about it honestly. I had just been so concerned with taking care of the baby, then my necessary facilities I never thought to do so. I also never though Phil would be capable of what he was doing so right now, no matter how drunk. Tears sprung from my eyes as I struggled to escaped. Phil picked me up and slammed me onto the table my head knocking into the wood. Pain spread from the back of my head to my eye sockets. I whimpered in agony as Phil ripped open the robe and leered at my body.

"You want sex huh? Like the whore you are right? Well fine I'll give you what you want, maybe if your lucky you can even have your own little bastard to take care of along with your mothers, would that make you happy huh… to be a have my baby growing in your stomach." Phil sneered at me scotch from his breath practically intoxicating me as well.

"No please, please Phil don't I was just being a smartass I swear please don't." I begged, he ignored my plea's with a slap to my face and quickly pulled his pants to his knees. And then he was in me. I tired to block out the next five minutes but I couldn't block out my screams. When he was finished he spat on me and told me to clean myself up then flicked the kitchen light off submerging me in darkness. I sat there for an hour in total shock, I even ignored the wails of the baby who I was sure awoken as soon as I started screaming. With each shuttering breath I felt myself come back. I forced myself up and into my room. I tugged at my hair as my eyes darted through my room trying to decide what should come first. I took a deep cleansing breath and shook out my hands, deciding clothing was first. I ran to my adjoining bathroom and cleaned myself up telling my self I would processes what happened when I had time. I went to the crib and changed the baby's diaper, after rocking her for a few minutes she finally calmed down enough so I could pack the rest of my clothes and what little I had of baby clothes. I then snuck into Phil's room trying to keep calm and quiet as I could wanting to prevent a repeat performance of just a few hours before. I grabbed all the diapers and baby formula there was and made my escape.

I never knew why my mother always kept the baby essentials in their room, I guess she was hoping Phil would just get used to seeing the baby things and would, someday what to know how they were used? I didn't know but god how I missed my mother right now. I stuffed the generic pink diaper bag to the brim and locked the baby into her car seat. With everything packed and ready to go I called my best friend Beth to give me a ride to air port. She was mad when I woke her up but I told her that Phil and I had another fight and I just couldn't stay there any longer. She finally made it to my house and helped me load up the bags and baby things. I went back into the kitchen and I shuttered as I picked up all of the papers that had scattered out of the vanilla folder that was on the kitchen table and I made sure I had the two plane tickets.

We were early, very early but I couldn't stay in that house anymore. I thanked Beth and gave her one last hug good-bye. I found some seats near the terminal where the plane would be and settled into the uncomfortable plastic chair. Yet I felt at peace where I was, the tension that had me glancing over my shoulder every five seconds was gone and my eyes drifted shut without my permission.

I awoke several hours later when the baby's crying woke me up. The sun was rising and the air port was filling with passengers, most of them glaring at me assuming I was a teenage mother, I guess now, according to the papers in my backpack I was. Once the baby was taken care of our plane was called. Luckily getting here so early we had already been cleared by security and our bags placed in the underbelly of the plane. I found our seats and strapped the baby in then myself. Our seat partner looked both of us up with distain and grudgingly took their seat.

"What's her name." the once glaring passenger asked when we took off. I looked at the woman and criticized her as she did to me. She had dark bags under her striking blue eyes, yellowing teeth, a smoker already wishing for her next smoke. Though the tan line from a square object meant two things, birth control or a nicotine patch. I was leaning more towards the latter.

"Bianca, the baby's name is Bianca." I mumbled closing my eyes hoping to get some more sleep. The woman "humped" and started ranting about disrespectful and irresponsible teenagers these days. I snorted and rolled my eyes behind my lids, the bitch didn't know me, didn't know us. The plane landed as lightning lit up this rainy and oppressing state, Washington State my home town of Forks lingers just an hour away. Our new life starts now.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 review please and update tomorrow!**

As soon as I had gotten our things I carried them outside where I had a taxi waiting for us. I put the baby in the taxi and buckled her up then helped the driver load up our things. Watching the green fauna pass by gave me sense of déjà vu. It has been years since I was back here and I wonder what Charlie would think of me just showing up on his door step after all these years. We weren't as close as I wished we were, the two week vacation time spent in California didn't really allow for deep father daughter bonding time. I just hope Charlie will take us in. I mean he is my father and as far as he will ever know, now a grandfather.

As we pulled into Charlie's drive way I paid the hefty cab fair and got all our stuff out and walked to the front porch with the baby carrier in one hand. I swallowed back the bile threatening to come up and raised my hand to knock. The door opened and I caught myself from smashing Charlie's face in with my fist. I blushed and unfurled my fingers giving Charlie a small wave.

"Bella…is that you?" Charlie asked, amazed to see me. I hadn't hidden my distaste for Forks before. The sound of the Mariners game echoed back from inside and that simple form of familiarity brought the tears in my eyes to fall.

"Yea Daddy it's me. I'm in trouble Daddy and I need you right now." I sobbed and lifted the car seat in my hand as an indicator of just how bad It was. Charlie's eyes widened as he took in the sight of his daughter with a baby. His pale face got even paler if that was possible and he ushered me in.

"Oh baby girl. What, What has happened where's your mother, oh sweet Jesus." Charlie murmured walking to his old recliner he sat down and grabbed the remote to the flat screen and turned the TV off. I sat on the old couch and got the baby out, crying as I was ready to beg Charlie to let me stay.

"Please Daddy don't kick me out I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry Daddy. I need you really bad. I screwed up and I need help. Please I'll pay rent I'll do anything if you just let me stay." I apologized mostly for taunting Phil into raping me, it was all my fault I just should have kept my mouth shut. If I had I would have been able to leave later, I could have taken time to find an apartment and a better job. Instead because of my stupidity I'm not stable enough right now to do much of anything besides what I absolutely have to and now I'm burdening my father with problems that aren't his own.

"Oh baby girl, no don't beg me please. Of course you can stay no matter what your always my baby girl nothing can ever change that." Charlie comforted me as he took the baby from my arms. I collapsed into him and cried. I needed someone to lean on right now because I wasn't strong enough to hold myself up.

"Where's your mother Bella, where's Phil." At the bastards name I shuttered and let out a sound like that of a wounded animal. I tightened my arms around my middle as a sort of hole started to grow from within me. Now that we were safe everything that Phil had done to me hit me full force.

"She's dead Mom is dead, she had a heart attack and now she's dead." I moaned out, suddenly I couldn't breathe and it felt like the walls were closing in around me. The baby started crying and my eyes swept the area for danger. The cries were so loud in my head making it even harder for me to function. I started gasping like a fish out of water yet it felt like no oxygen was reaching my lungs.

"Oh god Bella deep breaths now honey deep breaths. Karen this is Chief Swan I need an ambulance to my house ASAP you hear me, it's my daughter she's having a panic attack and it's a bad one, ok thank you." Bella sweetie an ambulance is coming but I need you to calm down." Charlie tried to calm me.

"No." I rasped out, I didn't want to go to the hospital. Charlie didn't listen and soon the paramedics came rushing in. They tried to put their hands on me and all I felt was Phil's hot sweaty hands as he violated me. One of them shouted for the other to hold me down, making me thrash and kick even worse. A pinch to my forearm was the only indicator that they had done something, that and then the sudden lethargic feeling that coaxed me into darkness which I wholeheartedly embraced.

The first sounds to enter my thought processes was that annoying beeping sounds, being as clumsy as I am I know by now that, that is the sound of a hospital heart monitor. I blinked my eyes opened them I tried moving my hand but my stomach rolled as I felt a familiar tug on the top of my hand. Uh I hated IV's I took a deep breath and looked around, it was defiantly a hospital room, a pale pink paint decorated the walls and a plethora of medical equipment was everywhere. The door opened and my greeting got caught in my throat, the doctor was a handsome twenty something man. Light golden hair cropped short and deep golden eyes took me in with caution as I appraised him. He smiled and nodded at me.

"Hello Ms. Swan I'm Dr. Cullen it seems like you gave us quite a scare. Along with your massive panic attack, you were dehydrated and malnourished which only exasperated things. Also it seems that you have a mild concussion mind telling me how you obtained that?" At the mention of my concussion my blood ran cold and the heart monitor started beeping rapidly and that familiar feeling from earlier was cropping up.

"Isabella, Bella relax take deep calming breaths, your safe in the hospital and your dad is right outside with your baby no one can hurt you, that's right Bella take bigger breaths. That's it, good girl, good." I closed my eyes and listened to Dr. Cullen.

"So" I finally spoke once I was calm, "Charlie is right outside?" I asked.

"Yep showing off his new granddaughter to anyone who would listen, stopped me on my way in here even. Your father is a good man you should be very proud of him." I smiled that was so like Charlie, once something happened that was out of his control he would accept it and move on.

"When can I leave?" I asked. Dr. Cullen frowned and looked over my chart.

"I want to keep you here over night for observation, I don't like that you're having a panic attack after a concussion. Now it could be from two separate events only you can really tell us but in any case I would still feel better about having you stay over night." I sighed and nodded. No one could ever know the reason for my panic attacks or my concussion. It's my secret now, forever. I turned my back to the Doctor showing him he wasn't going to get anything from me.

"I'll send your father in." Dr. Cullen said as he patted my shoulder. I flinched away from him as the door opened.

"Bells are you ok?" Charlie's gruff voice questioned.

"Yea dad I'll be fine." I said and turned back around. Did anyone notice how I said I _would _be fine only because right now I very obviously wasn't and one day I hoped to be. I sat up and motioned for the baby. Charlie smiled and gingerly placed her in my arms. I loved her, some might say that because of her my life was ruined, because of her, I lost my mother, my family and my virginity. But because of her I gained acceptance that I never knew I had. I was shown love by my father that I thought I would have to earn.

What a silly concept, can you ever really, truly earn a feeling such as love? My father a man who've I only really see for fourteen days out of the year took me in when I needed him, newborn baby in toe. Not many people would do that, even less father's I would guess.

So it was tonight (sheesh I was out for a long time.) that I decided to show this baby all the love that Charlie has shown me. Bianca was going to be my daughter, on her birth certificate it already says I am. How Phil pulled that one off I'll never know but he did. The father is unknown, the only people in the birthing room was me Phil and a lady Doctor…Dr. Peters? I couldn't remember her name, so no one would dispute the claim.

"I'm so glad to see your feeling better baby, and Bianca is so beautiful." Charlie whispered petting my hair with his thick calloused hand.

"How do you know her name?" I asked.

"I looked thru your bags and found her birth certificate, I was actually looking for your medical records to see if you had started taking any new anti-anxiety pills when I found it. Baby why did you never tell me you were pregnant, who is the father?" Charlie just had to ask all the hard questions right?

"I was ashamed, and can we please not talk about the father, please." I begged him with my eyes.

"Fine sweetie we don't have to talk about it today but I do want an answer someday." I nodded my consent.

"Some day." I promised_._


	3. Chapter 3

**This chapter has content that not everyone would agree with, I'm sorry but it had to be written for character growth. If you don't like it then don't read! For those of you who do please leave a little love -hint, hint-**

**Chapter 3 **

I was sitting in the bed joking with Charlie when the night nurse came in saying visiting hours were nearly over. I frown as I smoothed down the downy baby hair on top of Bianca's head. I kissed her forehead and handed her to Charlie. He patted my head and promised to be back first thing tomorrow I smiled and nodded. I felt bad that, my first night here and Charlie was already taking over my responsibly of my own daughter. I fluffed the flat hospital pillow trying to get some comfort into it but knowing it was fruitless. Even though the bed wasn't very comfortable I still found myself falling to a dark oblivion quicker then ever before, perhaps it was waking up every three to four hours for feedings and interrupted naps because of a needed diaper change. But my dreams were anything but pleasant.

_It was dark and I heard Bianca in the distance wailing. I walked slowly the cold smooth surface of a well polished floor was the only feeling I had in this…limbo type area. I tried walking towards Bianca but it seemed the closer I tried to get the more the distance grew between us._

"_Ah ah Bella, now where do you think your going." an echo of Phil's voice reverberated through the room sending chills down my spin._

"_To take care of my baby, where is she what have you done with her?" I screamed at him. His eerie chuckle sounded from in front of me._

"_Look down." He whispered into my ear. I felt the blood drain from my face as I slowly looked down. My belly was huge and bulbous, periodically the thing inside would move from beneath my skin. My hands shook and I started to scream. Blood started to seep from the top of my belly, small little fingers poked out from the growing slit in my stomach the thing was literally prying itself from with in me. I just stood there horrified as little red beady eyes stared at me from the dark cavern inside of me._

"_My bastard is going to kill you from the inside out. Just. Like. I. Did. With. Your. Mother." Phil's voice wailed and cackled in giddiness. A loud thud resonated from in front of me and a wet splatter like feeling coated my naked legs and the underside of my belly. I looked back down and there writhing on the floor the thing that was inside of me dug its way from my belly and fell on the floor. It was crying in pain, I reached down to cradle it, once I had it near my breast and heart it's evil eyes opened and it smiled. A smile literally from ear to ear with two rows of razor sharp teeth. The thing then lunged at my neck. I screamed._

I awoke before that thing could attack me fully. I leaned over the side of the bed and started retching up everything I had eaten recently. My hands were shaking and I couldn't breath again. The door slammed open and Dr. Cullen ran in.

"Bella, what's wrong you need to take a deep breath. Tell me what hurts." Dr. Cullen demanded.

"Get this thing out of me." I shouted and started clawing at my stomach. Dr. Cullen ran over and gripped my forearms preventing me from doing anymore damage to myself.

"Isabella you need to calm down. I need nurses in here NOW." Dr. Cullen shouted.

"No please Dr. Cullen don't let the monster live, it'll kill me! He said so, he said so himself!" I shouted pleading to the doctor begging him to kill it before it could kill me. I thrashed as Dr. Cullen's eyes widened.

"Bella were you raped, I need you to tell me did someone rape you?" Dr. Cullen questioned. I stopped struggling and collapsed into the doctor.

"Yes." I sobbed and latched myself onto the doctor I never noticed before but his hard cold body was a great contrast to Phil's soft overly hot body. Dr. Cullen shooed the nurses away as I broke down. He rocked me in his lap and made soft shushing noises.

"Please.." I begged in a broken whisper.

"What Bella what can I do?" Dr. Cullen asked just as quietly.

"Kill the monster before it kills me. Please I don't want to die." I whispered tears wetting my lips.

"Isabella you had a nightmare brought on by sever trauma to your psyche, think about what your asking me to do. I could give you a pill to induce an abortion if there is anything in you, but this could grow into a baby just like Bianca." Dr. Cullen coaxed.

"No, it could never be like her, it would be a monster I've seen it Dr. Cullen, it would be evil and nothing but a monster." Dr. Cullen stiffened at something I said.

"Ok I'll get you the pill Bella, you won't have to worry about it anymore I promise." The doctor whispered into my hair.

"Please don't tell Charlie he doesn't know and I don't want him to know." He said nothing but helped me back into a laying position and then tucked the blankets in around me.

"Doctor patient confidentiality Bella, I can't even utter a word." I relaxed at his word and my eyes drifted shut. My dreams now were nothing but peaceful. A monster might be living in me but it wouldn't for long.

I woke up just as Dr. Cullen was walking in. He sat on my bed side and handed me a little white tablet. I took it in my palm and it amused me that something so small had the capability to kill something so evil. I rolled the pill around with my thumb and forefinger.

"You don't have to do this Bella, because once this is done it can't be undone." I smiled and put the pill on my lunch tray and looked into the golden eyes of my doctor.

"You know when I was little I once believed in true love, that there was someone out there for everyone. Now though after everything I've been through I couldn't tell you how I feel anymore. Bianca was made from love, from two people deciding they wanted to be together in such an intimate way. She is beauty because she was made from love. That was something I once believed in as well, now I'm not even sure of that. Tell me Doctor Cullen how thin is the line between love and lust? Perhaps I'm not even pregnant it's way to soon to tell, maybe I'm just blowing a horrible nightmare way out of proportion, but if I'm not and I give birth to the same monster I saw in my dream I know I would never be able to live with the child. I would look at it and see nothing but hate and drunken rage. I could never love that child as I would love Bianca."

I finished my rant and swallowed the pill. Even though I felt that strongly about how much I could never love that child even if there was even one in me, I couldn't wait and see. I am able to kill just a bundle of cells, but not a baby, I full baby with two eyes, two arms and two legs. I just couldn't. Perhaps I had more problems then I knew about? Charlie walked in with baby Bianca and said a quick hello as he got the baby out to hand to me. Doctor Cullen left and Charlie took his seat next to me.

"So I called the principle of Forks high last night, he's an old high school buddy. Anyway you can start school Tuesday and luckily it's not so late in the year you shouldn't have to take up extra classes to ensure you pass." Charlie said excitedly. It was Sunday today so I only had one more day until I could start school again. The thought brought a smile to my face, I missed school I missed learning new things.

"That's great dad but what about Bianca?" I questioned. Before I had accepted I was going to be a high school drop out and I would have to depend on getting a GED. Now that it seemed possible to finish high school I didn't want to jinx anything.

"Well Bella there's a really good day care center right across from the station I could drop her off in the mornings and you could pick her up after school, with your new car." I froze instantly.

"Did you say new car?" I whispered. Charlie shrugged and nodded.

"Well sure, Sam Uley from the reservation went up to collage and he decided to sell his car. I got a really good deal, spent less then what I though and I know your going to need to have access to a car for taking Bianca to doctor appointments and stuff so yea I got you a car." I was flabbergasted.

"Well thank you Charlie." I mumbled embarrassed. Doctor Cullen walked in after an hour saying I could be discharged soon. He removed the heart monitor and IV, then sat down in a chair and handed me a prescription.

"These are anxiety pills, they are not to be taken every day just as soon as you feel a panic attack coming on, though the pills aren't to replace your natural calming methods but to help incase those fail. If you take that medication in school I highly suggest you call your father to come and pick up. Thos pills can make you feel light headed and drowsy so taking them then driving a vehicle is discouraged." He explained I nodded eagerly and walked around bouncing Bianca in my arms as she gurgled at me.

"Though Bella I want to suggest that you attend therapy once a week." I faltered and gasped at the Doctor.

"Actually Bella I have to agree with the Doctor, you had a major panic attack after I asked about your mother, and I fear, with the baby you won't take the time to process your mothers death, and I really think you should talk to someone about it." I huffed and strode over to the car seat to strap Bianca in.

"Fine whatever." I snarled out. We walked out and drove home in silence. I went up to my bedroom and placed Bianca on my bed. I didn't have much room in here anymore, along with my bed and my old baby crib most of the space was taken, then on the far wall was a mahogany desk with an ancient computer so I could do school work. I placed Bianca in her crib and went down stairs to get her bottle set up. After feeding her I filled the sink up and gave Bianca a sponge bath. Her umbilical cord had yet to fall off so I had to be careful with her tummy. After she was changed and tucked in I went down to the kitchen to eat for myself.

Charlie was there drinking some of his vitamin R when I fixed myself some cereal. I was instantly nervous, I couldn't remember if Charlie drank all the time or if he only had one or two. I ate tersely and jumped slightly when Charlie got up from his chair the legs scraping on the linoleum as he did so. I flinched as Charlie's heavy and landed on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry." I shouted and stood up taking my bowl to the sink to wash out.

"For what?" Charlie asked clearly taken aback.

"For what I said at the hospital, I was…out of line and I'm sorry." I mumbled, my body was starting to shake and tears streamed down my cheeks.

"Hey Bells it's ok, I know I kinda sprung it on you with out any warning or even talking to you about it, really kid it's ok I understand that were mad." I paused and shook out my worry, Charlie was not Phil, he wouldn't hurt me.

"I'm just going to go ahead to bed, Bianca will be up in a few hours." I went up and settled into bed. Even though I never liked the rhythmic pounding of the rain on the roof before it helped me sleep now. It was different from a few nights ago, The Arizonian heat forcing sweat to bead down my forehead was a stark contrast to the cool nights forcing all windows closed and for you to bundle under the blankets. I fell asleep quickly and now that I knew the monster was taken care of It should no longer haunt me.

_I was in that same dark void again except this time it was completely quiet except for my harsh breathing. I walked until my feet hurt and still nothing._

"_Hello?" I asked the void. Nothing just my voice echoing off unknown walls. Then Phil was in front of me gripping my throat, ramming my head into the hard floor._

"_You bitch, you selfish whore, that monster was supposed to kill you were supposed to die…so I could keep you with me forever." And then Phil's mangled flesh was in my line of sight. He had worms and maggots falling from every open orifice in his body. His pasty white flesh falling from his bone and landing on my face._

_I screamed._

_Belief _


	4. Chapter 4

**Here's your update! Sorry it came so late I had vocal practice, I got a solo! Anyway I might not be able to update tomorrow, I have a date ;) but I'm not sure it depends on how much I get written tonight and how late I stay out tomorrow. Just warning you in case I don't update tomorrow don't panic! No warning for this chapter unless you have an aversion to rude gossip if so BEWARE!**

**Chapter 4**

I jolted out of bed, my hand clenching my racing heart. Sweat poured down my forehead, and my breathing became erratic as I felt a panic attack coming on. I fumbled thru my purse and quickly swallowed down the pills and took deep breaths wiping my dewy head with a clean wash cloth that was usually use for when Bianca dribbles out her formula. I sighed and took a look at my alarm clock I figured Bianca would be waking up any time now so I started to fix up her meal. Right on time her little whimpers started, I walked over to the crib and plucked her out before her cries could escalate and wake Charlie. I sat in the old rocker that my mother once sat and nursed me in. I looked at my cork board and smiled at the picture of a young Renee with me in her lap as she fed me a bottle, now it was my turn.

"Oh mom I wish you were, I don't know how you did this all by yourself. I don't know if I can do this, I shouldn't be the one raising your daughter, mother. But I am. God mom I don't know how to be a mother, I'm just seventeen. Why weren't you strong enough, why did you have to marry Phil, Why mom? I miss you mommy." I spoke to the picture as if it was really my mother.

Bianca coughed and I quickly moved the bottle and sat her up to burp her. After she was burped I changed her diaper and just held her. I just need to feel some sort of connection to my dead mother and that last connection I had was in this baby. She was so warm and soft, she squirmed in my hold and opened her bright blue eyes. Even in the dark her crystal eyes shined, much like our mother's did. Once her eyes closed and soft little baby snores came from her slightly parted lips I put her back into her crib.

I couldn't sleep so I walked quietly downstairs and grabbed something to eat. I had the feeling of unease as I ate, goose bumps prickled my arms. I pushed away from the kitchen table and went to fill a glass with water, gulping it down I rested my hands on either side of the sink and let my head hang. I hated living like this, in an instant my entire life changed. I wasn't as strong as I was just last weekend.

I wonder if it'll ever get any easier, living in this fear an doubt. The what if's and maybe's always haunting me. I wasn't sure if I could ever get beck to the way I once was too much has changed. I had became a mother and rape victim all in less then one week. I hope Charlie knew how much I appreciated him. I wasn't sure where I would be right now without his support. I cleaned the glass and went back to my room. Sleep would not come to me right now. I pulled out one of my older books and started reading, somewhere between Romeo and Juliet's wedding my eyes drifted close.

I woke up in the morning to the sun on my face. It was an odd feeling because this was Forks, and they hardly ever saw any sun, also Bianca should have been up and crying for food by now. I jumped out of bed and ran to her crib scared that something might have happened to her. Seeing her back gently fall and rise eased my nerves. This was the latest she's stayed asleep though it was only five hours I never though I would ever get more then an hour or two of sleep ever again. Soon though she did start to stir so I had gotten her bottle ready ahead of time and I was waiting for her when she was getting fussy.

After feeding and a sponge bath we went down to the living room. I was surprised to see Charlie sitting in his recliner watching the morning news. I yawned and waved good morning to him, I then pulled a throw blanket off from the couch and laid Bianca on her tummy so she could start working her neck muscles out as she tried to move her head.

"So Bells I was thinking today we could go out and get your school clothes and some baby stuff." Charlie said off offhandedly. I yawned again and nodded.

"Sure that sounds good." I mumbled tiredly. It seems staying up last night instead of trying to fall asleep took a toll on me. I snatched a small pillow and rested it under my head as my body coiled onto the couch. Having Charlie right here; almost like he was guarding over me brought more peace to me then I thought possible seeing as I was taken advantage of by a man, but it did and I feel asleep fast. I woke up from my nap feeling very refreshed, I was shocked when I noticed the time. I looked down and saw that Bianca was no longer on the floor. I got up and walked into the kitchen and froze as I saw Charlie swaying with the baby as he fed her.

"Thank you dad." I said, Charlie jumped and blushed as he saw me standing in the kitchen door.

"No problem Bells. Besides you looked tired." I walked over and gave Charlie a kiss on his cheek, a big step for me, one that he wouldn't understand. He handed me the baby and patted my back.

"Why don't you and the little one go and get dressed then we can leave." I nodded and went up to my room to get us changed. It took an hour now to get ready, when it used to take me fifteen minutes to get ready. I hooked Bianca into her car seat and went down to meet Charlie. We rode down to the local shop, Charlie dropped us off at the front of the store. The rain was falling from the sky with a force I haven't seen in a while and he didn't want me to run through this with the baby.

So here I sat on a bench as people stared at me. It wasn't hard to miss the old ladies who were huddled together mouths covered but fingers pointed in my direction. I was big news in this boring one horse town. The chiefs' wayward daughter finally comes home, and with baby in tow! Who'd ever though this is what would become of little Bella Swan? I could practically hear their judgments of me. I didn't care, let them talk, they didn't know me, is what I tried to tell myself, but honestly I did care. I had always prided myself on being the daughter that ever parent wanted, I didn't talk back, I hardly yelled, I never partied and yet here I am nothing but a disappointment. My shoulders sagged as I tried to make myself as small as possible. What was I thinking coming into town like I wouldn't be treated as a social pariah, I wondered what Charlie would have to endure, being the father of a whore?

"Come on Bells, forget about everyone here." Charlie said suddenly from beside me. I jumped when his palm came into contact with my shoulder. He gave me an apologetic smile and I waved him off. As we passed a group of older women I shuttered as I heard some of their thoughts about me.

"Poor Charlie Swan, he hasn't seen that girl in years and yet the only time she shows herself is when she got knocked up and gave birth. Just like her whore of a mother."

"Well you know what they; say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree."

"Once a whore always a whore."

"Where is Renee anyway, bet she kicked Isabella out after she got pregnant." My face flamed red in shame and I hunched my shoulders trying to block their horrible words. Charlie's grip on me tightened as his cheeks flushed red.

"I'm sorry bout those old biddy's Bells all they like to do is talk bout things they no nothing about, they love gossip." Charlie told me with a comforting one armed hug.

"It's ok, I'm just sorry I'm making you live with the gossip as well." I whispered. Charlie pursed his lips then walked over to the older women.

"Now, Shirley, May, Edna, Beth, I expected more out of you then to go blabbering petty gossip about my daughter. You know nothing about Bella so don't just assume she went out and gotten herself pregnant on purpose. May, you for one should know all about making mistakes, which in the future turn out not to be such mistakes. Edna, wasn't it you who I had to arrest for a breach of restraining order? Beth don't think I don't know about your affair with that school teacher, and Shirley, you have no room to judge anyone, how dare you judge my daughter. Now I hate to abuse my power as Chief, with me having more knowledge then most; but _no one_ and I do mean _No. One. _Makes my daughter feel anything less then the wonderful daughter she is. Do you understand?" At their stunned and awed nod Charlie continued. "Thank you ladies, and be sure to spread the message around, I don't want to hear anyone talking bad about my daughter or granddaughter for that matter." Charlie gave them a friendly nod then returned to my side. No one could remove the smile plastered on my face. A few awed tears leaked from my lids as I witnessed first hand again Charlie's love for me.

"Wow dad." I murmured. He chuckled poking my side making me jump slightly.

"What Bells, you're my baby girl and no one talks trash about my baby." Charlie then took the baby carrier from me and told me to go to the junior section to pick out a few new school clothes while he picked out some baby stuff. I hesitantly agreed, I picked out a few pants and a few shirts, I didn't need much. I met up with Charlie a little later. I noticed people stopped looking at me, except for a few immature high school aged teens who were staring so much they ran into a display, high school was going to suck. But the ignorance of my existence made me walk out of the store with a new pep in my step.

I spent the rest of the day outside with Bianca lounging on the grass watching clouds pass. When Bianca got fussy I changed her diaper and fed her. Then as a thank you to Charlie for the clothes, today, and just everything I decided to make dinner. To say that Charlie was surprised to see me produce edible food was an understatement, mom never was much of a cook.

"What was that for?" Charlie asked as I cleaned up the dirty dishes and started washing them.

"Just for today no one has ever stood up for me before, and for all you know I could be exactly as they accused me of being." Charlie's fist smacked down on the table causing me to jump.

"No never say that about your self Isabella, it sickens me to think that you think so little of yourself. To think that I would ever believe something like that about you. Bella we might have not spent much time together and for that I'm sorry, I wasn't being much of a father then. But I'm determined to make up for it now, your not that type of girl Bella, now I don't know for sure what happened; only you could tell me that and until your comfortable enough to do so I won't ask. But I know you Isabella, you're a well minded responsible girl, you're my daughter, you've been raised right." Charlie said with so much conviction in his voice I nearly collapsed from the sheer strength of his words. It shook me to the core.

"Thank you." I said, he would never know how much his belief in me, as a person, had made me feel in that very moment_._

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	5. Chapter 5

**Update like promised please review!**

**Chapter 5**

I woke up early in the morning on Tuesday, for one I was nervous about what was too come today and also Bianca woke me up ready to eat. After making sure she was taken of I took a shower and changed quickly I couldn't exactly take my time getting ready for school anymore. After my morning routine was finished I went downstairs to fix up the diaper bag. I placed a bottle of water and several pre maid bottles, plenty of diapers, and wipes in the bag. Soon it was time for Charlie and I to part ways, he kissed me good bye and picked Bianca's car seat up, I gave her a kiss and waved them off. I checked my book bag three times just to make sure I wouldn't forget anything and then I was out of the door. The high school wasn't hard to find, on my arrival to Forks we passed right by it on the main highway, it seemed Forks had only one highway and everything was just off of it.

When I pulled into the parking lot, every head was turned in my direction. The students watched as I parked and got out. They were already judging me, trying to decide if I was the whore all their parents had warned them about. Many girls looked at me with a sneer on their faces, turning after getting an eyeful to chat with the other girls to get their perspective. The guys stared in obvious lust, I was new, someone fresh and apparently I would be easy. I did have a kid after all. I hefted my back pack onto my shoulder and walked into the school.

Whispers and pointed looks followed me the entire way. It was odd these kids used to be my friends when I came down to Forks to visit. Now it was like I was some stranger that they had no qualms talking about. I felt betrayed. As I walked down the hallway to my first class it was impossible not to hear what they were saying about me.

"whore"

"Slut"

"Cunt"

Were all names I was met with. I walked into my first class and got the slip signed by the teacher. Yesterday in the mail I was given my class schedule and a paper that was to be signed by all my teachers then turned in at the end of the day. Classes here were so much different then in Arizona for one in Arizona we had blocked scheduling which was four class the first half of the year all of them being about an hour and a half long then we switch half way through the year. Here there was seven periods all of them only being forty minutes long. Lunch rolled around and I found myself becoming quite anxious. I walked into the girls restroom and called the daycare to check in with Bianca.

"Hello, thank you for calling Sunshine Daycare where your child shines this is Erica may I ask who is calling?" A bubbly voice picked up, I had to snort at the name Sunshine Daycare?

"Hello Erica this is Isabella Swan, I'm Bianca's mother. I was just wondering how she was doing?" I questioned, as I played with the hem of my shirt.

"Oh Ms. Swan Bianca is a wonder, she ate well and just a few minuets ago Chief Swan picked her up while he was on lunch break. I swear he has a harder time being separated from her then you do, he must have called here at least three times before he came to pick her up." Erica chuckled as did I, that seemed just like the thing Charlie would do. I hung up after relaying to Erica what time I'd be there to get Bianca. It settled my nerves a little better knowing that Bianca was adjusting so well.

I sighed and walked into the lunch room, instantly all conversation stopped as people turned to glare at me. Even the lunch lady sneered at me as I paid for my food. Finding a seat was a chore on its own, no one wanted me to sit near them. I eventually found an area around a group of five teen, the only people here not looking at me with distain. A matter of fact they didn't seem to be looking at anything. They were all gorgeous, three men and two women. A short little pixie like girl with thin, elfish hair that was cut short, about chin length. She had golden eyes much like Dr. Cullen were they related? The girl was cute, in a prima ballerina way. The boy next to her was tall, a lot taller then Elf (the name I had given the girl.) he had ear length wavy dark blond hair, like the color of wheat. He had the same texture of eyes as Elf but his were darker, like an Ember rather then Elf's. He'd be Wheatie I decided. Across from Wheatie was a tall girl, with long golden almost white blonde hair. She gave off an air of sophistication, she seemed like the girl who knows she was better then everyone else here and she wasn't afraid to intimidate. She would be Goldie Locks. The beast next to her seemed to be all muscles but had an air of safety around me. They would be perfect for each other Beauty and the Beast! The last one with odd color hair was muscular but not overly like his counter part, nor was he as lanky as Wheatie. I couldn't see the last three's eyes but if I had to guess their eyes would be some shade of gold.

Suddenly Elf looked right at me, I blushed and looked away, embarrassed to be caught staring. I wonder what they thought of me, they had to be new students, maybe not as new as me but I would defiantly would have remember five perfect teens like them during my trips here. Elf then smiled and waved in my direction. I looked around to see if someone had actually came around me and she was actually waving at them, but no one was around. I turned back around and pointed to my chest and mouthed "me" questioningly, my eye brows crinkling in shock. Elf rolled her eyes and nodded. I smiled, the first genuine one all day and waved back to her.

I got up to throw my tray away when someone bumped into me. I dropped my tray and it clattered to the ground making a loud clash as it hit the linoleum. I flushed red as again all noise in the cafeteria stopped I bent over to pick up the spilled contents from my tray as I started to apologies profusely.

"I'm so sorry-"

"That's right you fucking whore, you better apologies your fat baby blubber ass could have hurt me." A girl above me sneered, I looked up and was shocked to see my once good friend Jessica treating me like shit. It hurt me that she could say such callus things about me.

"I am not a whore Jessica, you know nothing about me. We haven't seen each other in years and yet you can judge me from other people's perspective? I never thought you'd be the type of person to judge me so harshly, I thought you were my friend, out of everyone here I thought you would try to find out the real story. I never felt more embarrassed or betrayed at being wrong before." I spoke to my old friend with tears in my eyes. I stood and walked past her to the garbage can and threw out my trash before walking to my next class, leaving a stunned Jessica in my wake. I found my teacher and had him sign my slip and he assigned me a seat. Soon kids started to fill in all of them looking at me judgment clearly in their eyes. I was surprised when the odd colored hair boy walked in and took a seat next to me. The teacher Mr. Banner stood next to us and passed a paper to each of us.

"Isabella, this is Edward Cullen, he will be your partner for the rest of the year. You have partners for labs and on certain tests I will let you work together." And then he walked away I turned to Edward Cullen indeed Dr. Cullen's son. When I did so though he glared at me with cold dark black eyes. Eyes that screamed STAY AWAY. I shrunk back and faced the front of the class. Edward's immediate hatred for me was noticed by everyone and the talking and hateful whispers started again. It was getting to be to much I could feel myself starting to get lost in the abbess of hate. I was slowly becoming unhinged. School drug by after that class, the insults kept coming all day and there was no way I could escape. In a way I wanted the punishment, it was my fault that I was in this situation. My birth caused the strain in my mom's heart making her unable to handle giving birth again.

The day finally ended and the my stint in hell was over for today. When I got to the parking lot my breath got caught in my throat as kids crowded around my car laughing and jeering at each other. My car was ruined, there was toilet paper wrapped all around it, eggs everywhere and colored water contrasting with the red paint with bright shinny confetti covering every inch. I started sobbing as I ran to the car.

"Alright I get it! I'm a whore, I'm disgusting I'm nasty and I'm easy. You've proved your point I get it!" I yelled at the crowed they all laughed as they dispersed and I started to clean the toilet paper off my car the rest would have to wait until I got home and had access to a hose. I just hope I could get it cleaned up before Charlie came home. I wanted to avoid that mess. As I was pulling the toilet paper off I was starting to become aggravated it was sticking to everything.

"Fuck" I yelled out in anger and threw the shit I did have in my hands on the ground. From across from me I watched as Beauty came and helped me get the shit off my car. I hiccupped and smiled at her as tears rolled down my eyes.

"Thank you." I mumbled deeply appreciative of her help. She nodded in my direction and that was all. After a little bit we got my car cleaned enough for it to be drivable. I was about to offer her a ride when I noticed her family around a new sporty looking Volvo waiting for her.

"Thank you again." I called out to her with a raised hand. She turned then and shrugged.

"No one deserves that." I smiled and got in my car and drove to the day care to pick my daughter up. I picked her up and ignored the sympathetic glances everyone gave me as they noticed the state of my car. Bianca was asleep when I picked her up so getting her home was easy. Once home I had to sigh Charlie was waiting in the porch with a frown on his face is arm crossed, he looked ready for a battle.

"So kid what happened to your car?" He asked as I got Bianca out I shrugged and walked past him.

"Kids at school. How you hear about it?" I questioned as I got Bianca out of the car seat so I could lay her in her crib until she was ready to eat or be changed.

"Hmm, well one of Dr. Cullen's kids told him what happened and he thought he should call me." I rolled my eyes, he was so protective of me.

"Which one?" I wondered as I started to prepare dinner.

"Rosalie, she's the tall blonde. Emmett is her boyfriend, he's huge like a body builder. Alice is the small little sprite one her boyfriend is Jasper Hale, he's also Rosalie's brother. They were all adopted by Dr. and Mrs. Cullen. It was awfully nice of them to do so. Haven't had a speck of trouble since they got here." Charlie spoke with high respect, but he was forgetting one very special boy.

"Your missing one." I spoke up. Charlie tasked at himself.

"Right now, what was his name? Edmond, Eric-"

"Edward. He's my lab partner in biology."

"Ah yea that's right Edward." We ate dinner in collective silence until Bianca started crying, Charlie said he'd take care of the dishes. I changed Bianca and fed her then bathed her. Once she was sleeping again I took a shower myself and settled into bed to sleep, knowing I'd be up in a few hours anyway. That night instead of being haunted by Phil's dark eyes a pair of more sinister yet still beautiful black eyes filled my night time slumber.


	6. Chapter 6

**Ok so here is chapter 6 for everyone. I'm sort of disappointed that I've only been getting roughly 4 reviews per chapter. All I ask is that if you read and like it to leave a small review, even if you don't like it tell me how I can improve! I can accept constructive criticism. And to those of you who have been review thank you from the bottom of my heart! **

**Chapter 6**

"God damnit" Charlie's shout awoke me in the morning, Bianca had a tummy ache when she woke up this morning for her, feeding she hardly ate and getting her to sleep was next to impossible. I had only just gotten asleep half an hour ago. I jolted out of bed and ran downstairs glad that Charlie's yelling hadn't woken a hurting Bianca.

"What's wrong?" I asked as I watched Charlie come in from outside his face red with anger.

"Nothing Isabella you are to stay inside while I get the camera have some things I need to document." As I watched Charlie storm out I walked outside and gasped at what I saw. The metal garage had whore spray painted in black, my car was completely demolished, the windows bashed in and more hurtful words painted on.

"Isabella I told you to stay in side!" Charlie yelled. I pushed back my tears and ran into his arms.

"I'm so sorry daddy, I never meant to put you through this!" I sobbed into his arms. He sighed and patted my back.

"Hush now Bella, none of this is your fault. Now I'm going to take some pictures then go down to the school. The handwriting looks familiar, we've had this problem before." I gripped my knuckles into Charlie's shirt and shook my head.

"Please dad no It'll only make it worse, it's not worth it."

"The hell it isn't, this is harassment Bella and I won't stand for it, I didn't when it happened to the Cullen's and I won't now that it's happening to you." I finally just nodded and shivered in the cold morning.

"Your staying home today, I heard the baby last night crying it sounds like she had a mild form of colic, you had it as a baby too. I'm afraid it's only going to get worse so just stay home and try to get as much sleep as you can. I'm going to go down and speak to the principle." I walked back inside and collapsed onto my bed.

I woke again to painful cries coming from Bianca. I got up and yawned as I stretched. I grabbed her from her crib and rested her on my shoulder rubbing her back as she cried in pain. I felt her forehead, she was slightly warm but that just could have been from her crying to hard. She burped but was still crying. I took off her onesie and kept her in her diaper then laid her face down on my legs and rubbed her back, she started to calm down then.

"shh, that's right baby mommy's here. You'll be fine. Just close your eyes and sleep you'll feel better." I whispered to the baby in soft soothing tones. Eventually she fell back to sleep. I picked her up and sat her on my chest, her head nestled into my breasts so close to my heart I knew she could hear each thump. The next time I woke up it was by myself. My stomach was rumbling so I carefully moved the knocked out infant from my chest and went to grab a meal. I also started a bottle for Bianca knowing that it may make my life hard when I had to take care of her with an upset tummy, but I just couldn't let her not eat. She would lose weight and that wasn't good for her.

On my way up I heard her cooing from my room. I flinched back as I knew I would probably be causing her pain soon but it was a necessary evil. Once in my room I picked her up and started feeding her. After half an hour I was right she started to whimper in pain. I picked her up and walked around with her rubbing her back trying to help settle her tummy but it seemed to not be working. The door bell sounded from the living room. I went down to check who it was. To say I was surprised when it was Rosalie would be and understatement. I shifted Bianca on my shoulder and waved her in.

"I have your school work." She said and thrusted the papers in her fists at me. I jumped back startled and used a free hand to take them from her. Placing the papers on the coffee table I offered her a seat.

"So ugh, thanks for yesterday and today and well yea." I mumbled patting the bare back of my baby. I noticed Rosalie looking at Bianca with something in her eyes, after I studied her for a moment I realized it was longing. I shifted a whimpering Bianca and started rocking her.

"Do you um, do you want to hold her?" I questioned. She has done a lot for me just in the few days that she knew me, it was a small thing to do for her. Her golden irises registered shock and she eagerly nodded. I told Rosalie how to hold her arms and placed the baby in them. She looked up and then smiled a brilliant grin as she rocked the baby.

"Wow, she's so warm. What's her name?" I smiled and rubbed the baby's forehead with my thumb.

"Yea she's like her own little mini heater, her name is Bianca, Bianca Ann Swan. My mom came up with the name. Ugh…I….couldn't think of a name, honestly she got the name Bianca from the movie Ten Things I Hate About You. Ever since my mom watched that movie she has always loved that name. And Ann was my grandma's name, just like Marie, my middle name was my grandma's middle name." Bianca started to cry louder, so Rosalie nervously handed her over to me.

"I'm sorry maybe she got to cold." Rosalie whispered rubbing her hands together. I had a feeling this would be the only time I wouldn't see her as a confidant woman.

"No really you were fine she has been suffering from colic for a little, it's not you I promise, she'll be fussy until she gets over this." I assured her. She nodded and cleared her throat.

"So if you need help with your work or need some one to watch Bianca so you can catch up I would be more then happy to help out." I laughed and nodded.

"That would be wonderful. You know I'm not saying you have too but after school I usually have a lot to do and if you wouldn't mind coming over for an hour or so, just to keep her company and stuff. You don't have too, and I could pay you." I did have some money in my savings account and once I was eighteen I can have access to my inheritance.

"No, I won't take any money. It would feel wrong, I can't have children of my own and I would really enjoy just having the experience taking care of a baby." I agreed, besides it would be nice to have someone around who didn't hate my guts and who wasn't Charlie. Rosalie left after she confirmed she could give me ride to and from school tomorrow, my car would be going into the shop soon to get fixed. Luckily the insurance was taking care of the cost to get it fixed. I wasn't going to be getting back to sleep anytime soon so I decided to get to work on my assignments from to today. English was easy, we just had to write a short essay about the goals we wanted to accomplish before we turned thirty-five. In math we were studying arithmetic and geometric variations, easy. Once I reached the Biology part I had to groan we did a lab today and my partner had to do it by himself.

Even though he was rude to me I didn't want him to think I would be copying off of him all the time. I was good at biology and I could pull my own weight. The paper was scribbled with eloquent hand writing, he wrote his procedure and measurements down in precise clarity and such order I could answer the follow up questions quite easily. Biology was the quickest class I had gotten done and in no time -since I was in such a groove- I was finished.

After my work was complete and put into my backpack for safe keeping I changed Bianca and settled her on the floor with a soft blanket under her. There was a knock at the door and I wondered who that could be. No really like me enough to visit and Charlie didn't say he was expecting anyone. I opened the door and once I saw no one was on the porch I stepped out to look around. The sound of screeching tires on the road along with the smell of burnt rubber assaulted my senses first, then I was being pelted with eggs from teens in the car with nasty jeers following them.

"Go home slut!"

"No one wants you here!"

"I hope you get raped!"

Then I was left just standing there, egg yoke dripping from my nose my tears hardly noticeable as the rain blanketed the town. I walked inside carefully trying not to get eggs onto Charlie's floor. I went to the laundry room and changed my gross shirt, to a white wife beater and my sweats into some shorts. I put the soiled clothes into the washer and started the wash. I knew I would still have to shower but I had to make sure Bianca would be fine first. I picked her up and laid her in the crib. She wasn't asleep but she had dangly toys and her spinning mobile to keep her occupied. I grabbed my towel and settled into the shower.

I couldn't believe those people, I hadn't done anything to them. Why was I being treated like this? It just wasn't faire, I've always been a good person, I've always treated people how I would want to be treated. Yet here I am in a shower cleaning egg from my body. After getting clean I just sat in the tub as the soapy water swirled around my naked body. I wasn't sure how much longer I could handle this ridicule, I'm only one person and I could only handle so much until I finally just cracked and crumbled. I banged my fist on the wall in anger, the razor that was hanging on a hook fell and cracked on impact with the hard tile. Three sharp blades spilled from its plastic confines. I picked one up carefully and held it close to my eyes as I inspected it's shiny surface. I could end it all, the guilt, the loneliness, the ridicule, it would be over with just a sharp point to the center of my wrist then a simple pull up to the crease of my elbow. A cut to end everything, not for attention or help.

I couldn't help the peaceful smile that graced my lips. I could see my mother again. My eyes widened in horror at the thought I just had. I threw the blade down and it clattered to the drain. I backed away until my back hit the cold wall. My hands fisted my hair as the sounds akin to a wounded animal escaped from me. I clenched my teeth together as I rocked back and forth. I had to remove myself from temptation, I switched the water off and grabbed the blades, after wrapping them in toilet paper I threw it away in the trash and shivered. How close had I come to ending my pitiful life. I dried myself and changed into a spare set of sweats. I fell onto my bed and just stared at my white ceiling. I got up to check on Bianca and what I saw took my breath away.

She was asleep in her crib with a stuff bear near her. That wasn't all that amazing, but her left arm was crossed over chest grabbing the bears left paw. It was so sweet how she tried to find something to cling on, something that smelled like me, seeing as that was the bear I have had since I was a little girl. How could I have even thought about taking myself out of this baby's life? She needs me, and I can see now that I need her just as much. Her unconditional love is what will keep me sane until we can leave. But I will get an education and I will be someone that Bianca can look up to and be proud to call mommy.

"I promise baby, I will never make you ashamed to be my daughter, and I'm so sorry I even thought of trying." I whispered to her. With that new determination my resolve solidified. I vowed to no longer let them see me be intimidated. I will never let the thought of an unnatural death cross my mind ever again. I owed that Bianca and I owed that myself.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hi so I've gotten a few more reviews so I'm hoping a longer chapter will influence more reviews? Please read and review, tell me what you think.**

**Chapter 7**

It was three in the morning when I found myself awake, feeding and changing Bianca. Ever since I knew I was going to take responsibility of this baby I also knew my time as a teenager was over. Right now Bianca depended on me for everything. I was her provider, I was her protector, I was her nurturer, I was her mother. Maybe not by birth but I had always believed that it wasn't the act of giving birth that made you a mom it was the love you gave your child that made you a mom. And I loved her like my own, as if she had came from my body. I had long accepted that my nights would be filled with dirty diapers, late and early feedings, loss of sleep, and many tears. Both hers and mine, but mostly mine. I also knew that it wouldn't always be like this. One day soon Bianca is going to sleep through the night, she's going to hold her own bottle, she's going to sit up, walk and talk; one day all on her own. Some day she's going to look me in the eyes and say 'mommy, I love you'.

I'm ashamed to admit that it took the sweet persuasion of death to show me everything I would have missed had I chosen that route. Even now the lure of death still loomed on the horizon, the call of the blade sang to my eager ears. As long as I had Bianca though I feel as if I could weather any storm, even when I was barely treading water she would be my life preserver. If I lost her I would lose everything, which is why I would put a stop to the harassment myself. I will no longer be the quiet girl who just takes their abuse, because one day they could inadvertently hurt Bianca and that possibility was just unacceptable. Once the baby was asleep I settled into bed myself dreaming of when I would finally stick up for myself.

Well shit, I guess it's easy to have courage at home, safe in your bed but when it came to actually facing your tormentors that would be harder. When Rosalie picked me up in the morning in her sporty fire red convertible I walked out of my house with my head held high and Bianca proudly on my hip. After dropping her off and making it to school though my confidence fell. All through out the day Ignored the jeers and jibs thrown my way. It wasn't until lunch that I finally snapped. I was sitting in isolation after nodding towards Rosalie and Alice whom have both taken to waving at me when they see me. Edward was there to but he never looked my way. I noticed the same teens who pelted me with eggs making fun of another girl who was in their little 'group'. They were making fun of her because she refused to make fun of me.

"Come on guys this is enough! She hasn't done anything to us, yet you treat her like crap?"

"Go figure the little church mouse defending the whore."

"Aren't you jealous Angela, the whore has obviously been fucked before, yet I don't think anyone would want to touch your church going virgin ass." Everyone laughed and I just knew that Angela was starting down a dangerous path, I just felt like I had to stop it. I had to help her unlike how no one helped me. Yes it's true she never really defended me though nor had she ever joined in. I stood up and started walking over to the table. The boys noticed me coming and smirked at me.

"Well, well, well, look at what we have here. So have you decided to jump on my dick? You want me to show you what a real man can do?" I shivered at his words, it was too much like what Phil had said to me that night.

"I'm sorry I wouldn't touch your dick even if was dipped in sulfuric acid then cleaned in antibiotic ointment. No I just came here to give you a warning. You honestly don't think I wouldn't be able to recognize your voices, you are truly an idiot. If you ever come to my house and threaten my safety or the safety of my daughter ever again I swear to god I will kick your ass. And you.." I turned to Angela, she froze in her seat her eyed wide in fright.

"Don't let anyone change who you are and what you think. Sometimes other people are very wrong about you, about your character. Never be intimidated by what mindless little kids think of you because the people's opinion who you should really care about would never judge you in the first place." With that I turned on my heel my head held high as I went beck to my seat. A few minutes later Angela sat next to me with a smile. I smiled back at her, glad she got away from people who would only put her down.

"You know I never did join in with them when they were making fun of you. I always thought it was wrong. We all make mistakes, it's what we do with those mistakes that I judge people on. You took responsibility when you could have just gotten rid of it or, gave your problems to someone else, but you didn't and my whole family, not just me thinks it took someone with real character to them to do that." I smiled as a tear fell down my cheek.

"Th-thank you, no one has ever said that before." I told Angela and patted her hand with mine in appreciation.

"Listen Isabella I know I haven't been a good person to you lately and I understand that you have every reason to just tell me to go to hell; but I want to be a real friend to you. And for once I want a real friend as well." Angela mumbled as her eyes reddened with moister. It's then that I realized that by keeping to myself I wasn't as bad off as the girl next to me was. I never had to worry about being talked about behind my back from so called friends, I never had to worry about who I could and couldn't trust because right off the back I refused to trust anyone.

"Call me Bella, Angela and I would love to be your friend." Unlike everyone else here in this school I felt like I could trust Angela. She just had this air about her. We eventually departed to head to class, when I got there Edward Cullen was already sitting in his seat. I took a deep breath and took my seat pulling out my homework. Edward turned his head and gave me a small smile.

"Hello, I'm Edward Cullen. Sorry about the day before but I was having a really bad day. It was inexcusable but I ended up taking my anger out on you. I am deeply embarrassed by my behavior and I hope you can find it in yourself too forgive me." Edward's velvet voice flowed thru my head making me slightly woozy.

"No problem we've all been there." I mumbled breezily.

"That was really courageous what you did for Angela, especially since no one had done it for you." Edward never looked at me as he spoke and he seemed to be having a hard time breathing, like he was taking the smallest burst of air that he could and then he would hold his breath. His fists seemed to be clenched the whole time.

"Yes well if people only acted because of what others did for them then none of the worlds problems would ever be solved." I shrugged

"Yes I would have to agree with you there, to run away from ones problem's seems quite idiotic. Your problems are still there when you come back and sometimes you must face them head on to get anywhere." Edward spoke with such a regal tone, almost like he wasn't from this century. Edward Cullen was an odd boy. Mr. Banner came in then and we started with the lesson.

At the end of class the teacher came to collect the work, when he reached our table I also handed him my make up work.

"Finished already?" He questioned.

"Yes it was quite easy." I smiled at the teacher. He gave me a skeptical look and quickly read over my paper, his eyebrows quirking in surprised.

"_You_ were in advanced placement at your old school?" he wondered in amazement.

"Yes, just because I have a child doesn't mean I'm not intelligent I was at the top of my class in my old school." I responded, insulted. He just huffed and walked away. I rolled my eyes, of course everyone was just going to think of me as an irresponsible idiot. I really hated that, I wasn't a teenager who had gotten pregnant. I decided to keep my sister rather then have her go to my step-dad. It was decided the minute my mother entered her coma when she was six months pregnant. I hated seeing her so weak, I remember the last day I ever spoke to her.

_-Flashback-_

_Mom was so weak, she was as pale as the hospital bed she was staying in, it was a long cry from her once nice even tan. Her skin had puffed up from excess water in her body, her face was thin and gaunt. Her heart wasn't able to process the vital nutrients from her blood. This baby was literally killing her, the stress of trying to sustain a life and hers was becoming to much for her._

"_Bella." Her weak voice called to me. I got and grabbed her cold hand, trying to warm it in mine._

"_I'm right here mommy, just a few more months and then I get to meet my new sister." I tried to keep my voice light despite my tears. She smiled and nodded._

"_listen Bella, we both know I'm not going to survive seeing Bianca. I need to know Isabella that you will help your sister live. I need to know that you will help Phil take care of her. She's going to need a woman in her life to teach her things that Phil just wouldn't understand." _

"_Right mom." I whispered, even then knowing Phil wanted nothing to do with the child. That essentially I would be on my own with taking care of her. At that time I just didn't know I would become quite literally Bianca's mother._

"_Promise me Isabella, please." My mom's strong voice in that instant surprised me, making me think that maybe she did have the strength to pull through. But then she closed her eyes and her heart monitor went crazy. I was rushed out by nurses as doctors piled in and started screaming orders at each other. They came out and gotten Phil and I telling us she was in a coma and would most likely stay that way until we pulled the plug. Basically we could have ended everything right there or the hospital could have kept her on a ventilator and put a feeding tube into my mother. _

"_So basically she would just be an incubator for the fetus." Phil said stoically his arms crossed over his chest._

"_I'm sorry sir." was the Doctors only response._

"_Pull the plug." Phil sneered. My eyes widened and I ran to the door and opened my arms to prevent the doctor from leaving._

"_No you can't. Please Phil, Please this isn't what mom would have wanted. She loved that baby as soon as she realized she was pregnant. You can't take that away, that love, even if you go through with this it will haunt you, you would have to live with knowing you killed something mom loved with her whole heart. Loved so much she would rather __DIE__ then let that child never be born. Killing them both won't bring her back she'll be dead either way. But let the baby live, don't let mom's sacrifice go to waist please. Please Phil I promised her, I promised!" I shouted tears streaming down my eyes. Phil sighed._

"_Fine, let your mother rot away for that very thing that killed her. I don't care anymore." With Phil's declaration even the doctor looked relieved. As he passed me he gave me a small smile and squeezed my shoulder in support. After that night Phil fired that doctor and hired another one. He paid the woman to write on the birth certificate that I was the baby's mother, the father would be unknown. We made up a lie that I had been pregnant all of the school year but I just hid it with baggy pants and a sweat shirt which was believable because that was basically all I did wear in school. _

_Three months later at five fifteen in the morning Bianca was delivered thru a cesarean section. I got to cut the cord and be the first one to ever hold her. I was glad that I hadn't lost the only remaining piece of my mother I had left._

A cold hand broke me from my memories. I jumped slightly and looked at the body the arms was attached to. I blushed as I connected eyes with Edward's coal black eyes, he looked worried.

"You ok there, you seemed distracted, a million miles away." He smiled at me as butterflies entered my tummy. It felt nice, to have this feeling for a boy. I never felt close to having these type's of feelings, sure I've had some small crushes but never to anything of this intensity nor did it ever happen this fast.

"Yea I'm fine, I was just day dreaming." He chuckled and got up gathering his stuff.

"The bell rang." He said gesturing to the nearly empty classroom.

"Oh." I mumbled as my face stained red. Why did he have this affect over me. I didn't like it, yet I never wanted it to end. School went by better then the previous day. People had just tended to avoid me either because of my cafeteria stunt or because I was becoming old news. I wasn't sure which I would prefer.

At the end of the day I met up with Rosalie and we picked up the baby from daycare. Once home I showed Rosalie how to prepare a bottle and how to determine if it was warm enough. I had to laugh when Rosalie came into the kitchen as I was doing my English work holding the baby away from her, her beautiful nose scrunched in displeasure. I showed her how to properly change a diaper, she opted to just give Bianca to me when she went poop. I could live with that. After an hour I bid Rosalie a good bye but not before offering her some dinner. Which she declined, saying she was on a diet. I thought that was ludicrous she was absolutely stunning and had no need for a diet but oh well.

I gave Bianca a bath and then showered myself. We then went downstairs so I could cook dinner. I was really tired but I still felt like I owed it to Charlie to cook him a warm meal. After an hour Charlie called saying he was going to be late and not to wait up for him. I placed Charlie's food in a microwave and wrote a note for him telling him where to find it. We stayed downstairs and played until it was getting late. I tucked her into her crib then cuddled into bed. That was the first night I had ever dreamed of having a relationship with anyone ever since Bianca was born_._


	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry it took me so long to update but my niece was in the hospital. Chapter 7 is up and has been for a while I'm not sure what was wrong with FF before. So please leave a review thanks!**

**Chapter 8**

When I woke up in the morning I was feeling oddly refreshed. I looked at the time and my eyes widened, why hadn't Bianca woken up? I jumped out of bed and ran to her crib. My breath escaped me when I saw her sapphire eyes looking up at me. I smiled as I realized she had slept through the night. I knew this was probably a fluke and I couldn't expect her to sleep through the night every night but this was just one of the signs that she was growing up. I picked Bianca up and made her bottle, after feeding her I changed her and dressed her in a cute little dress. I was feeling very optimistic about today. I got her all set up and ready to go when I noticed a note left by Charlie.

-Bella-

Today is your first therapy session, I'm sorry I didn't tell you before but it slipped my mind. I got the kids who have been harassing you, they have been suspended for three days, I'm so sorry I couldn't do more. I'll be picking you half an hour after lunch. Have a good day Bells

-Love, Charlie-

I sighed and crumpled up the note, well there went my good day. Rosalie honked her car horn, I rushed out and locked my door. After hooking Bianca in was started off to the daycare.

"You don't have to worry about dropping me off today after school I have a therapy session today." I said quietly as I tried not to draw attention to my mental state.

"What for." I shrugged. I really didn't want to say.

"My mom died and my dad thinks that with my constant attention on the baby I can't have the proper time to grieve her." I rolled my eyes chuckling slightly.

"And do you agree?" she asked as we pulled into the parking lot. I got out of the car to take Bianca inside. I looked at my baby and smiled as I unhooked her.

"No my mothers death is not why I need therapy." I whispered to Bianca. I had three months to get over my mothers death, hell I had nine months to get over her death. Only less then a week to get over the rape. Just because it's not at the forefront of my mind, doesn't mean it's not on my mind. I just don't have the time to break down and cry, rage and be pissed. I have a baby to take care of, I have school work to do. I clean the house for Charlie I cook for Charlie. I just can't break down and go catatonic like I wish I could do. I took Bianca in and signed her in letting everyone know Charlie would be picking her up early. When we reached the school parking lot Rosalie just sat in the car awkwardly. She looked at me real quick then sighed, her hand flexed on the steering wheel.

"If you ever need to talk about anything, Um I guess I'll be there." and then she walked away to go meet up with her family. I sighed and looked at the school entrance, I really didn't feel like going. I had enough to deal with today I didn't feel like dealing with all these petty kids. The bell rang and I mustered all my courage to walk through those doors. I was surprised to see that for the most part everyone was ignoring me. People walked past me like I was just another student, sure I had people who still looked at me rudely but they kept there comments to themselves.

The day passed much better then others. I was still mostly isolated but I had Angela and she was a good person to have ob my side. Rosalie was also in the background but didn't seem like the person who would stick up for me; yet. Biology rolled around and I felt a dewy sweat form on my forehead. It was nearing my time to leave.

"You ok?" I heard a silky voice question. I turned to Edward and nodded as the phone beeped. Mr. Banner picked it up then looked at me giving me a nod to leave. I collected my stuff and walked out to Charlie's car. We drove to Forks Hospital where the therapists office was. Charlie dropped me off and told me he'd be back in exactly one hour. I walked slowly into the building, wary that maybe some nut was going to jump out and attack me. As I looked around I just saw what looked to be normal people some were on their cell phones texting, others were flipping through magazines looking at the hanging clock wishing they could leave. I signed myself in then took my seat. I picked up a mothering magazine and started flipping through its pages. From the corner of my eye I did see an older woman look at me then look at my stomach. Before I could say anything to the rude woman a large wooden door opened and my name was called. I sighed and put the magazine down and walked into the room.

There was many books everywhere, there was even a little toy chest in the corner for younger patients. My therapist was a younger woman twenty-eight at most yet she was still well known and popular. She had long wavy red hair, a few freckled peppered her cheeks and her smile was warm. She gestured to the bean bag chair in the corner of the room and I took it. I took it because I didn't like being around her, I didn't want her to know my secrets.

"My name is Melody Elliot, I don't like people addressing me as Dr. Elliot, Ms. Elliot I just like Mel. I'm twenty- seven and I have two kids. My youngest is two and my oldest it ten, that's right I had my first baby at seven-teen and I'm not ashamed. I am happy to say that I'm still with the eldest's father and we have been married for seven years now." Mel said very confidently, I smiled at her.

"I have a daughter, she's less then a month old. She's my entire life." Mel smiled at me then looked confused.

"If she's less then a month old how come you're not at home still recuperating and bonding with your baby?" Mel asked. My eyes shifted as I tried to remember the reason Phil and the doctor came up with if this should have ever happened.

" I healed quick Bianca was a small baby. And I ugh I can't miss a lot of school because I don't want to be left behind." Mel didn't seem to believe me but she let it drop.

"I want to do some ink blot tests." I gave Mel a look like she was crazy I didn't believe in that stuff. She picked one up and showed it to me.

"dog." another

"heart." and again

"Um…grave stone." the last one I shivered at.

"Knife." I whispered, Mel gave me a concerned look and placed the cards down.

"Bella you should know these ink blots are in no order, see they are in such a confused order that the brain tries to make sense of what its seeing. So the brain projects images it's familiar with to make sense of each individual gap in the splotches. Why did you say dog for the first one?" I rubbed my hands together in nervousness.

"In Arizona there was a dog that we lived next to, I always used to play with him and take him for walks. His owner was Elderly so she couldn't take him out much and my mom was allergic to dogs so we couldn't have one. It was a win- win situation." I shrugged, I missed Doug-y once in a while.

"And the you said grave stone right? That's because of your mothers death right? Was it hard for you losing your mother like you did?" Mel asked compassionately.

"I miss her all the time, she was my mother and now I don't even have her guidance. Sometimes I feel so lost but then I realize that I can't feel that way because I have a daughter to take care of and I can't dwell on the past." I told her.

"Bella I'll be honest with you when your father setup this meeting I thought it would be a simple grieving teenage mother. Someone who lost a mother after becoming a mother herself, but I was very wrong. You don't have panic attacks because of your mothers death do you? You're a strong woman Bella I can see that by just looking at you, it was something worse wasn't it?" Mel continued, I didn't answer her, I couldn't I had to much at stake if anyone ever found out the truth.

"I'm worried about that last comment though. Bella have you ever had a suicidal thought?" Mel asked. This I could talk about, I wanted to talk about this, I wanted to get help for that specific problem.

"Yes once, but I put the blade down. I remembered Bianca, and everything my mother was to me at such a young age. I didn't want to do that to her I didn't want to take away those experiences from my daughter. My daughter is what keeps me alive she makes all the pain worth it because one day I'm going to get to feel that same emotion my mom did when I told her I loved her as a little girl and I don't want to miss that." I told Mel. She got up and put a hand on my shoulder.

"I understand Bella, it's hard being a teenage mother. Even harder when the father isn't involved and you live in such a small unforgiving town. Our time is almost up but I have a job if you will for you." she walked over to a shelf and pulled off two notebooks.

"These are two journals, one is just for you to write in. Only you or someone special who you want to read it can. You can decide which color you want for you privet journal. The other one is for me, you write whatever you want, even if it's just what you wear for the day. I want you to write in each one everyday. It doesn't have to be long, if you only write just a sentence that's fine too." Mel said and handed me a green journal and a blue one. I had decided the Blue would be just for me. I nodded my thanks then departed. Charlie picked me up and we went home. I went through my daily schedule and then pulled out the green journal, I wrote the date and started writing my thought.

_Sometimes, coming home day after day doing the same routine is so tiring. I was never one for going out and parting yet now I wish I was. I never asked to become a mother but it was a responsibility I knew I had to accept I could never abandon Bianca. I do love her, with every fiber of my being. On some days, I feel cheated of a childhood I know I never had, and now will never get a chance to experience. Then I always feel guilty for feeling that way._

-Bella

I pulled out the Blue journal and I knew exactly what the first line in this book was going to be. Something that I had never admit to anyone else not even to myself…yet.

_I…WAS…RAPED…_

I took a shuttering breath as I closed my eyes preventing the tears from falling. Closing the book and putting it under my bed I got and buried my sadness. Bianca was waking up and it was now time to convert back into the mothering role I would play for the rest of my life.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

I awoke early in the morning to feed and change Bianca, I was worried how Bianca never woke up the night before, I knew it wasn't right for a newborn and I had this nagging feeling that something wasn't right. For now though as I gazed at her shimmering blue eyes I decided I wouldn't worry to much. That's not to say I won't be keeping a close eye on her because I will, I just won't dwell on the thoughts that something could be wrong until I have proof that she is not feeling well. After I burped her I decided to write in my blue journal.

_There are days when I feel like I'm losing myself. I feel like I'm trapped in this role that I can never escape. I'm not talking about being a mother to Bianca, that's easier then I expected -and no I'm not saying raising a baby is easy because it's not and I won't delude myself into saying that it is. It's just I found myself integrating in as her mother, easy. I'm just tired of looking over my shoulder all the time waiting until the final shoe falls and the only person I have come to trust betrays me. Perhaps I shouldn't but I feel, after what Phil did to me I will never have that naive trust that I once possessed. I miss those days, the days when there wasn't any evil in my world. The days when my mom, Phil and I would go to Parks to eat a picnic or watch Phil play ball. Those were good days, when my mom was still around and Phil didn't drink, when I didn't have to grow up in a few months time. I knew I couldn't change what happened but I just wish I had someone to talk to about it, I feel like my secret is eating away at me from the inside out._

I closed the cover of the book and sighed. I hid my journal and covered up in the blankets, closing my eyes. When I woke up again it was close enough to start getting ready for school, so like always I worked through my normal routine. I was feeling broken today, my nerves felt frayed. After I and Bianca was ready Charlie left with the baby. I was shaking as Rosalie pulled up and honked the horn. Even though I saw her pull in I still jumped. I shook off the sudden nerves and grabbed my bag rushing out to the car. I smiled hello to Rose and we were off to school. Pulling into the parking lot I felt like something was going to go horrible today I just didn't know what.

My morning classes passed and during it all I just felt numb. I knew I didn't catch anything the teachers were saying, my teachers knew that as well as they all gave me disapproving looks. For once I didn't care about my education I just wanted to drift off. Lunch came around and the figure that stood around the double doors had my heart speeding and my anxiety spiking. I walked slowly towards him and stopped several feet away.

Phil.

"Isabella, can we talk?" He asked nervousness in his voice. My eyes narrowed and I led him through the cafeteria ignoring all the eyes, even the glowing yellow ones. I led him to the brick divider hallway leading to the bathrooms, usually around lunch this hallway remained empty.

"Want to know how your daughter is doing?" I asked sneering at him. Phil's eyes filled with anger, he lifted his hand and swung it forward, the resounding smack still ringing in my ears minutes later.

"Listen here Isabella, as far as anyone knows you whored around and got yourself pregnant. I paid good money to ensure the birth certificate says father unknown and you sure as hell are not going to fuck that up with your smart ass mouth." Phil almost shouted in my face, spit flying onto my face.

"No I don't have to fuck anything up for you, you're good at doing that yourself aren't you." I asked as tears started to form, my breathing was becoming erratic but I knew I couldn't fall into a panic attack, I couldn't become that vulnerable. Phil gave a sarcastic smile.

"That night I should have fucked your mouth instead of your pussy." I covered my mouth in horror and tried to run away. Was he not as drunk as I had though that night? Phil grabbed my forearm and slammed me into the brick wall, my head hit with a resounding thump and stars exploded in my vision. I cupped my head as my tears spilled. I was in to far, falling to deep and I wasn't sure when I would resurface.

Bella looked up at Phil as he handed her a yellow manila envelope.

"I came here to give you some money. In exchanged you keep your mouth shut about everything, and I do mean everything. Do you understand?" He asked her. Bella just looked at Phil with dead brown eyes. The change from just a few minutes ago shook Phil to his core. He wasn't always such a bastard but once death happens, life changes. Death can change a persons very make up. Phil extended his hand to put on Bella's shoulder to try and shake her from her stupor but quickly redrew his arm when he saw her flinch so greatly. What had he done?

Bella backed away from him and turned into the entrance of the cafeteria. Her emotionless eyes took in everyone staring and lastly they landed at the Cullen table. Each of the ever so "perfect" Cullen's looked at her with such understanding eyes that the life once missing from her eyes sparked back. Though just as quick as it was ignited the flame died out. Bella turned around and ran out the door into the down pour.

No would have expected Edward to get up and follow her out. The rain was pouring around him, it was so hard it even slightly hindered his perfect vampire vision. The rain was so thick it instantly washed away Bella's intoxicating scent, which Edward was more then thankful for. The storm though couldn't block out the dull thumps of Bella's shoes slamming into the asphalt as she ran. Edward quickly followed not wanting to lose Bella, knowing that after everything he had just heard, she would need someone there for her even if it was just to hold her as she cried.

Even though Edward hardly knew her, he did know of her strength. Carlisle had nothing but respect for the girl. Rosalie envied her for the child, but now after hearing how her step-father raped Bella to create the child Rosalie wasn't so sure what to feel. Bella was a beacon of hope that the Cullen's didn't know they were looking for. She gave them hope for the future of human kind everywhere. Right now though she needed help and Edward wanted to be there for her, to make up for his despicable behavior before.

Edward became worried when he couldn't hear Bella anymore, had she stopped running? Edward stopped running himself, the rain soaked him, though it didn't affect him he knew Bella would catch her death staying out in the frigid rain for too long. Edward closed his eyes and heightened his hearing as much as he could. Fifteen feet away Edward heard small keening sounds as Bella tried to keep herself together but failing. When he reached her what he saw shook him to his impenetrable core.

There she sat covered in mud and forest debris, shaking from the cold and from pure fear. Edward could smell, her fear with every puff from her body. Bella's hands fisted in her hair as she scratched up and down her scalp trying to relieve some trapped tension. Her lips her pulled over her teeth and each time she exhaled a keen sound resounded from the back of her throat as she rocked back and forth. This was it, Bella had reached her breaking point and now, just like Carlisle had feared she couldn't put herself back together with out some help.

As Edward watched the strong girl crumble by the actions and words of a man who was supposed to protect her he had decided to become her friend. He would show her not fear everyone in the world. Not everyone was going to cause her pain and hurt her. He would be there for her and hold her when she was weak, offer a friendship that only a girl like Bella could fully appreciate.

Edward fell to his knees as he would only do for this frail human and hugged her to his body holding her close as he held his breath. He rubbed her shoulder and made soft shushing noises, gently rocking with this girl. So she could feel his genuine concern as they moved as one. Acceptance.

"You can cry Bella, I won't think any differently of you, you can cry." Edward whispered into her hair. He took a hesitant breath relishing in the slight burn, the burn that reminded him of _his_ own strength.

"I can't cry." Her dead voice echoed through the woods.

"Yes you can." Edward tried to reassure her knowing she needed the cathartic relief a good cry could offer humans.

"If I start crying now, I'm not sure I will ever stop." She whispered to the strange boy holding her so close, like she was the most important thing to him.

"That's fine." With that Bella let go of a shaky breath as sudden, harsh gut-wrenching sobs escaped from the small girl. This was a set back, Bella though. Tears streaming down her face mixing with the rain, she wasn't supposed to be this weak ever again. That was how Phil took advantage of her. She couldn't tell Mel about this, of her failure. She would only want to know why Bella broke down and that was something Bella knew she _could never_ speak of to anyone.

Soon Edward noticed as Bella's shivering increased. She was still sobbing and Edward knew she wasn't even with him at the moment, maybe in body but defiantly not in spirit. Edward picked her up and ran her to his car putting her in the passenger seat. He got into the drivers side and drove to her house, Bella was much to out of it to question Edward about how he knew where she lived. He then pulled her out of his car and walked her to the stoop grabbing the key from behind the eave remembering exactly where Bella would grab for it. Yes Edward was a certified stalker. It started when she stood up for Angela. Edward had never wished to be able to read someone as much as he wished to see inside of Bella's head that day.

Rose was already there, she had picked up the baby for Bella and even changed a poop filled diaper. An experience Rose was secretly glad she had a chance to experience. Rose felt bad for Bella, being forced into rape then to giving birth to her rapists baby and then to confront him today. Bella had huge balls, Rose couldn't help but think.

"How is she?" Rose questioned rocking the baby in her arms. Edward shrugged as he walked to the stair case and to Bella's room.

"I'm not sure she's been mostly catatonic for a while now. Hopefully after some sleep she'll be feeling better." Edward whispered tucking a stray hair behind Bella's ear. Once in Bella's room he knew he had to undress her or she could get very sick.

"Rose can you…" Edward trailed off, he didn't want to violate Bella's trust already.

"Sure. Here." Rose said and handed the baby to Edward. _She still needs to be burped. _Rose warned as Edward left the room. Edward placed the baby on his shoulder and alternated from soft pats and soothing back rubs. Eventually the baby burped and snuggled into Edward's embrace. He remembered a few nights ago, taking care of the baby for Bella. After all she had just gotten to sleep and Edward didn't want her -for once- good dreams to come to an end. She deserved a good nights rest and since he never slept…

Charlie was due any moment. Edward shifted the baby to be cradled into the crook of his elbow he then forged a note in Bella's perfect chicken scratch saying she had a head ache asking she if Charlie wouldn't mind calling take-out for dinner tonight. Edward knew Charlie wouldn't object, he gathered from he thoughts that he believed Bella did too much for him. Charlie would probably even take care of the baby until he went to bed. Once Bella was changed and Rose had left he placed Bianca in her crib next to the sleeping woman and kissed both of the girls on the forehead and wished them pleasant dreams. Edward would keep watch over these girls. They needed someone to watch over them for once, Bella more then anyone.

Edward thought it was ironic, Bella had gained a new friends and she didn't even know it yet_. _

_**The switch in POV is very important, hope that didn't confuse anyone PLEASE REVIEW!**  
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	10. Chapter 10

**So I need a huge favor, I need someone from Ireland who is willing to let me interview you for a school project. It's a major grade and I'm just not finding the info I need. I'm willing to send you an outtake, and or, a future-shot; as I call them of your choosing. Please PM me if you can. **

**Chapter 10**

When Bella woke up again Bianca was crying, Bella was slightly disoriented wondering how she got home, let alone in her bed. Shaking it off Bella decided she didn't care, right now life hardly had any meaning for her. She was drifting deeper into the dark abyss and only Bianca was keeping her alive.

Edward watched as Bella got from under her covers and started preparing a bottle for her baby. He couldn't help but be amazed at how great Bella was with her child. Most teenage mothers hate giving up their childhoods to take care of a child. After Bella fed her baby she changed her diaper then rocked her to sleep. Taking the time to make sure Bianca was comfortable and fully asleep before trying for sleep herself.

When Bella woke up again she was relieved it was Saturday. That meant she could sleep all day in between taking care of Bianca and doing chores. Before she decided to sleep some more Bella grabbed both of her journals unaware of the prying eyes just outside her window and the flashy sports car that would be pulling into her driveway soon. She wrote in the green one first.

_I'm feeling so numb right now. I guess I prefer the numb to the constant pain. When I'm feeling like this there is no nightmares and waking up at all times in the night becomes bearable, but I know I'm not living, I need help I just don't know how to ask for it._

Bella closed the green book and opened the blue one next. Edward was perplexed as she stared at one specific page, almost like she was willing the words to change to lose it's meaning. Finally Bella took a deep breath and flipped the page then picked up her pencil.

_I saw Phil yesterday in school. It was the first time he had ever hit me, it wasn't the fact that he hit me that made me into the state that I'm now. It was his words that I hadn't processed until later. He said he should have fucked my mouth that night; instead of my pussy. It hurts so much knowing he was completely in control when it happened. I never would have though Phil to be that, vicious. Another problem, what do I possibly make of Edward Cullen? Maybe when I first met him he had a bad day? I want to believe that so bad but there is this little niggling sensation in the back of my head telling me that would be a lie. Maybe I should give him a second chance, after all he did come to me when I need someone the most and for that I will forever be in his debt. I need to write something though something I wish wasn't true but I'm hoping if I can get this out on paper one day I can in words._

_IT HAPPENED, IT WASN'T A HORRIBLE NIGHTMARE; I…WAS...RAPED._

_I'm hoping that the more I can admit it on paper that it will make it easier for me to believe. I don't want to though, I wish it could be just that, a nightmare. Maybe when I can admit it to myself I can admit it to others. Dr. Cullen didn't count, he guessed it; the words never spilled from my lips._

Bella closed the notebook and wiped away a tear as a car pulled into her drive way. Her step father walked out and slammed his door shut looking around warily. Edward smirked in satisfaction as he saw Phil with a plastered covered arm, his visible body littered in bruises. He still didn't like that he was within breathing range of Bella.

Phil knocked on the door, three quick raps. Bella answered almost immediately, she knew that knock all to well. Phil still shuttered as he looked into Bella's still dead eyes.

"Can I come in?" He asked. she moved aside silently. he walked in and took a seat on the couch. Bella didn't like this, who was he to come into her home, get comfortable within her safe haven? This was her house not his. Bella bit back her anger though she knew what could happen if she let her mouth run wild and she could not, would not, live through that again.

"What happened?" Bella questioned stoically gesturing at Phil's injured body. Phil blushed and an angry scowl filled his face making her back away in fear.

"A couple of fucking high school punks jumped me last night on my way to the hotel as I left a bar. They were wearing fucking masks couldn't get a good ID on wither of them, but they were large and fucking cold." Edward would have to get his brothers a special gift when he finally returned home. Bella smirked in satisfaction; not nearly as bad as he deserved but it was a start.

"Listen Isabella the money is in your bank account. I won't ever bother you again as per our agreement." Bella wanted to scoff, it was never apart of the agreement that he would steal her innocence before she left forever. But he did and Phil didn't have to live with the guilt and pure agony that Bella currently was. Bella never believed in sex for just sex; it was supposed to mean something. Something was stolen from her that night something she was saving for the love of her life. Anger engulfed Bella then, she had never felt so much anger in her entire life. How dare he come here and bribe her into keep his dirty little secret, force her into her broken form unknowing if she could ever be the same again.

"Get out." I sneered at the man before me. He looked at me in utter shock. Before I was just drifting not really letting anything past this little membrane I had around me protecting my fragile soul; preventing anything from entering but letting me stretch out and grasp at reality when I needed too.

"What?" He demanded.

"I said get the fuck out of my house. This is MY HOUSE, MY safe haven, YOU have NO right to be in MY home FUCKING RELAXING. I don't want your fucking blood money, I don't want you to have the satisfaction of paying off your guilt. IT DOESN'T FUCKING WORK THAT WAY! I want you out Phil forever, don't you dare ever come back here again. Bianca is mine, and if you ever come close to MY baby or MY family. I. WILL. KILL. YOU." My hands were in fists my knuckles white. My nails were digging into the skin of my palms. I relished in the pain, being in the numbness made me feel so cold. I was now burning in a hazy flare of red anger and pain, every pent up emotion I had was coming out now.

"DON'T YOU DARE THREATEN ME LITTLE GIRL!" Phil yelled right back raising his hand like he was going to slap me. I snapped. I flung forward and pulled my left fist back then shot it forward. It connected with Phil's face. I felt the impact as his nose crumbled under my power. A ripple of satisfaction shot through my spine. Hearing him howl in pain as blood dribbled from his nose made me smile in joy. Phil got up and walked out.

"You'll regret this you fucking bitch you fucked with the wrong man." Phil warned as he walked to his car holding his rapidly bleeding nose.

"I'm not scared of you anymore, you've already broken me so thoroughly before, but I refuse to ever let that happen again." and then I slammed the door in his face, locking it for good measure. I would never let this show but his threat did frighten me some and I wouldn't hand him the opportunity to follow through. I ran to the bathroom and threw up, the stress was becoming to much. I stood up to Phil but I still had these demons lingering, taunting me into giving up. I flushed the toilet and washed my teeth then looked at my haggard reflection. My chin trembled and I licked my lips.

"I was raped." I whispered to myself looking at the slightly dirty tiled floor.

"I was raped." I said a little louder slowly looking up, feeling stronger.

"I. Was. Raped." I said confidently tears leaking from my eyes. I stood tall and walked to my room grabbing my green book and opened it. I paced my room trying to find the guts to say what I needed to. Wondering if, when this came up in conversation I could talk about this. I wasn't sure but I knew that I could never have another break down like I did before. I finally grabbed a pen and wrote.

_I was raped; and I need help._

I put the pen down as my hands shook. I heard Bianca starting to whimper honestly surprised she slept through all that yelling, but glad she did. I picked her up and smiled at the squirming infant. I was going to get better for her. I was going to get rid of all this guilt, hatred and pain. Bianca deserved a whole mother, not a broken teenager. I felt liberated as I went to go prepare Bianca's bottle but I knew I had only just started the battle and since I couldn't be totally honest it was going to be all that harder for me to get over. Some things would be left out, and others omitted but I would do it to keep Bianca safe and in my arms because I truly loved her. For right now that was all I had to offer her, my love and I only hoped that it would be enough.

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	11. Chapter 11

**Sorry I hadn't updated in a while I had three major projects due this Thursday and as a senior I can't afford half-assing anything, I have to graduate! But it's spring break so updates will be coming again!**

**Chapter 11**

_When I opened my eyes I was shocked to see the living room of my old home. The couch in the center and the hardly used t.v. sitting in a corner gather dust. Shelves filled with many books along the wall, a comfortable egg shaped chair next to the open window and a large lamp sat at the northern side of the wall. I heard sobs coming from my mom's old room, I turned slowly and as I did so it seemed like people were rushing thru the living room packing it at super speed as I walked normal pace to the room. The pictures of my childhood that littered the hallway walls were quickly taken down. I opened the door and gasped in shock. There was my body naked and tied to the headboard, my body was bruised and beaten. I walked over to myself and smoothed back my hair. My body's head turned slowly my dark dead brown eyes met mine._

"_I can't take much more of this, please help me; I'm dying." The bedroom door slammed open and then entered Phil. He walked over to my body, passing me like I wasn't even there. He smiled and placed his hand on my body's cheek._

"_I have marked you now Isabella, you will forever carry a piece of me with you forever." He sneered and started to kiss at my body's neck trailing his hand down to my chest. I just sat there as I watched him violate my body, I gathered my knees into my arms and rocked back and forth trying to ignore Phil's lustful moans. When Phil was done and gone I crawled to my body, I couldn't control my motions as I forced myself onto the bed fusing my spirit to my body._

_When I opened my eyes my hand were tethered to the headboard, my wrists were bleeding and I felt pain everywhere. I was one in the same, I watched and now experienced everything that happened to me. I couldn't believe I was this broken little girl. It seemed like no matter how strong I was I would always be this broken girl. No one would ever want me. I started screaming as many realizations crashed down on me._

I shot out of my bed still screaming, my hands fisted in my scalp, pulling at my baby was crying from my screams and Charlie rushed in, panic in his eyes as he wondered who to help first. His hysterical daughter or the crying infant. I couldn't take it anymore, I had admitted to my rape and in the end have had horrible dreams because of it. I thought finally admitting the truth was supposed to fix me, give me some peace. Why couldn't I be fixed? Why did I have to have this pain forever etched into my very soul following me everywhere I go?

I threw the blankets off of me and ran out of the room. It was all too stifling I couldn't breathe I opened the front door and ran into the woods barefoot and in just my pajamas. The rain fell around me soaking me to the bone. I collapsed on my knees in the mud and just screamed. Full out with no restriction I let the horror wretch from my throat. My tears mixed with the rain, the cold droplets refreshing me. Once I had calmed down I got up and walked over to a log and put my head in my hands.

I heard the sound of feet pounding into the local fauna and the squishing of wet soil under a heavy foot. I looked up and my face flamed red, there was Edward Cullen, worry in his golden eyes as I took in his new running shoes and the Forks sweatpants with a grey wife beater.

"You ok, I though I heard someone screaming." his velvety voice echoed in the empty woods. I shrugged my shoulders and nodded.

"Yea, I guess."

"Not to seem rude but you don't look very well, are you sure you're ok?" I felt the weight of everything bear down on my shoulders.

"No not really." I admitted, Edward took a hesitant step towards me and sat next to me and placed a hesitant hand on my shoulder.

"You can talk to me if you need to you know. I am not like the other kids around here, I respect the need for secrets and I would never betray your trust." I looked into his eyes and saw nothing but sincerity.

"Thank you, I want to tell you, really I just want to tell anyone who will listen. It's wearing me down and I just feel like I'm at my breaking point. Just a year ago I had imagined my life going in a totally different direction. But I'm sorry, I can't tell you a damn thing I want to though so bad." I told him grabbing his cold palm in my hands trying to warm his hands for him. He must have bad circulation, you know what they say though, cold hands, warm heart.

"Why can you not tell me. It is obviously hurting your health by keeping it inside." Edward whispered to me.

"It's not just my life who's would be changed. I must think of my daughter, above all else she has to be safe and protected and it's my job to ensure her safety." I pleaded.

"I can understand and respect that, but what of yourself you must take care of yourself as well or then your daughter will suffer as well." I swallowed thickly trying to understand the ramifications of what could happen if this goes wrong.

"Bianca isn't my biological daughter, my mother experienced a heart attack then stopped breathing. She had lost too much oxygen and lost brain function. My mother had known that she was going to die before seeing her daughter be born and she had made me promise to keep her safe. So I did. When Renee was given the cesarean section it was only the doctor, my step-dad and myself in the room. He bribed the doctor into attesting that I was the mother to Bianca and that my mother had a heart attack after she was born. Phil declined an autopsy and with the doctor's word no one would argued against her. In a few weeks time she's going to add a post-natal check-up declaring both I and Bianca fine. Phil's very good at covering his tracks." I told him. He looked totally horrified at my story.

"But what of Phil why isn't he taking care of his daughter, I'm assuming he is the father"

"Yea she's his but he never wanted kids, it was either I take care of her or Phil was going to have her aborted and I couldn't do that. It wasn't what my mother wanted." I shrugged.

"That is very admirable of you. To take on such a responsibility at such a young age it is almost unfair." I smirked wryly at Edward.

"Hasn't anyone ever told you life isn't fair." Edward chuckled.

"Yes I do believe I've heard that somewhere."

"It was hard moving here, in the beginning I wasn't even going to move out here. I had plans that I was going to drop out of high school, get a full time job work on my GED. It was easy for Phil to convince my school system that I had been pregnant, much easier then I had hoped. My old school had a program for unwed teen mothers that helped them find jobs and low- income housing so that had been the plan. I didn't like it, I had never wanted to be _that_ girl. Then a few weeks before moving here something happened and I wasn't in…I just knew that I would break if I tried to do this on my own. So I came to live with my dad, and he has been so wonderful about everything. I wish the people around here was more like him, more like you." I told him.

"I'm sorry, I know I can't change anything even though I want to. But I'm still sorry that you're forced to endure everything that these mindless peons are making you feel. You certainly don't deserve it." Edward promised. I smiled and thanked him, he was so nice. I tried not to think those things because eventually I could find myself falling for him and that was not very helpful to my current situation.

"Well I should go home, Charlie is probably worried sick. Thank you so much for listening Edward I truly appreciate it."

**EPOV**

I watched as Bella walked away, clutching her middle as if she was still in pain. I had just learned everything about this girl and if anything my respect for her had only increased.

"Please do not make me regret trusting you." She whispered thinking I could no longer hear her, not knowing that I would hear just the quite thudding of her heart from miles away.

"I won't precious girl I promise you, you won't ever regret using me to let your demons free." I got up slowly and begun walking back home. I had a lot to thing about, I promised to keep Bella's secrets and I would, but should I keep them from my family? Carlisle would want to know about this Doctor, she's endangering patients and going against everything a doctor should be. But what if Bella ever found out, when she left she did seem to be walking a little straighter and who knew what my betrayal could do to her already fragile state.

Once home I ignored everyone around me, they could all sense that something had happened but knew I wouldn't say anything. As Emmett would say I was being 'brooding' I had to disagree, I was thinking, I had a lot to think about. I went over to the piano and started plucking out a few notes. Playing was second nature to me now. I could play the hardest piece with one hand if I wanted to without even breaking a sweat. I loved to actually create something though. It took some real thought to create music. You had to have the melody and tune just right, then deciding where staccatos and fermatas went was no easy task. Especially if you wanted the song to be good. I decided to tinker with this new song I was working on, it was a lullaby, that much I knew.

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